Holocaust Nightmares: UNFINISHED

It’s my second year attending the University of Haifa in Israel for a Master’s in Holocaust Education. I’m currently on sabbatical as a Professor of Design and Social Media, representing the United States in the program as the first candidate from Nebraska. I’ve been on a spiritual journey since my arrival in the Holy Land, and my artwork has also been seeking new stages of development.

I decided to move out of the UHaifa graduate dorms this summer, and take up residency in the holy city of Tsfat. Not only is it a home to the Orthodox Jewish Community, Kabbalah, the Artist Quarter and galleries–it’s also the location of where my Rabbi lives. If you’ve been following my blogs these past couple of years, you’re aware that the only therapist who has ever been able to get my Holocaust nightmares to stop is my Rabbi–who is also my therapist. They ceased to exist for almost 2 years, until I had to take the History of the Third Reich in Nazi Germany last spring semester. After the class ended, my nightmares also ceased to exist. However, my move to Tsfat has kindled the fires of these demons once again. This time, a new center stage or theme has developed from within them: My Rabbi has appeared in my nightmares. With it, a spark of new artistic design and creation of my most current series titled: “UNFINISHED.” My focus to this new series is the continuation of the story line and the conversations that I have with my Rabbi in my nightmares.

The first piece in my “UNFINISHED” series began with an exploration of acrylic paints to create the Stars of David. Blue looks good on the sky, and I told my Rabbi that when I began this series that I was starting with hues of blue…as the sky is always overcast and gray when I’m in conversation with him in my nightmares. I’ve had some inquiries in regard to my acrylic canvases that I’m painting on to create this series. Unfortunately, there aren’t any in existence. I’m using the cheapest acrylics that money can buy. This means–that they dry opaque or flat. I’m not painting on a canvas, either. I’m painting on paper. I take photographs of my creations wet–allowing the gloss of the paint to come through.

After photographing my wet acrylic Stars of David, I crop them out on my computer and import them onto my design palette software. You can see that I’m starting to arrange all of my elements within a grid, and I’m beginning to explore typographical elements. Since this is the first poster in my series, I’m going to use it as the introduction to the viewer. How do my Holocaust Nightmares begin?

Dear Rabbi,

I am UNFINISHED…I’ve reached the point in my creative process where I know what statement or words I want to add–but now the battle begins. I’m working with image and type and I only have so much room on my poster to collaborate with both. How am I going to make it all fit in harmony?

The relationship that Designers have with Typography is essential to making any layout cohesive, and the ability to create emotion. Also, the rule is always applied to only use 2 different fonts on any layout. Preferably, fonts that are the opposite but compliment each other. I have selected a serif and a sans serif font for this reason:

If you Believe in L I G H T

it’s because of  O B S C U R I T Y…

Dear Rabbi,

I am UNFINISHED–

If you Believe in  L I G H T

it’s because of  O B S C U R I T Y.

If you Believe in  J O Y

it’s because of  S A D N E S S . . .

I am sitting on the platform waiting for the deportation train. I’m not standing. The Nazis were laughing and shooting at people in the ankles and legs as they descended the stairs to the platform. My Rabbi was one of the unlucky who got shot in the leg. He’s sitting to the left of me on the platform with his hat drifting across the wood. I keep watching the Nazis to see if they’re going to shoot me in the leg also. There are no birds in the sky. My Rabbi can’t stand. As the SS drag him away from me and off the platform he tells me to never forget him. I have no idea if they took him into the woods to shoot him, or if they’re dragging him away to do other things to him. This is where my Holocaust nightmare ends, and another begins. I am UNFINISHED.

The Nazis take a small, black object out of my right hand and slam it against the wall. I’ve been transported to an examining room and am being held captive. They’re laughing at me as I wail at the top of my lungs. I can hear my Rabbi in the other room beside me. I can’t see him, but I can hear his pain and misery as they start to beat him.

The bright yellow lights that bare down on my soul in this demonic room of hell; are married to the black shadows and the red smears of blood. They’ve stripped me naked. Whatever that black object was in my hand? It’s some sort of proof…and they know that it’s My Rabbi who is in the room beside me. THEY KNOW that we are connected. And so, they laugh some more.

They take my left arm and begin to draw large amounts of blood. The needles are large, and they continue to do this over and over again. I’m getting ready to pass out and I can still hear them beating up my Rabbi in the room beside me.

 

Dear Rabbi,

Can you tell me if I will be okay?

When you have witnessed

the  M O N S T E R S

I battle every night?

I AM UNFINISHED.

The truth is witnessed

through the Eyes of Death…

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She is on sabbatical for the 2016-17 year. During this time she is studying at the University of Haifa in Israel for a Master’s in Holocaust Education. [ At SCC she teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus ]. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle. Purchase ASH FROM THE ROSE

Chamber of the Holocaust: Jerusalem

It’s been almost year that I’ve been at the University of Haifa in Israel, working on a Master of Arts in Holocaust Education. If you follow my blog on WordPress, I’ve been writing now for over 2 years in regard to my Holocaust Nightmares. They began at age 13. I grew up to become a Professor of Graphic Design, with all of my faculty art exhibitions surrounding my nightmares of the Shoah. After a decade of teaching, I decided to take my sabbatical and head to the Holy Land for a Master’s Degree in Holocaust Ed.

I am very attracted to the Israeli Nationalization of the dead, and how those who perished in the Shoah are remembered. If museums are vessel sites where voices once silenced are now vocalized, then in retrospect, my fascination is drawn to this location. Have my Holocaust Nightmares transformed me into a “Memory Designer?” My gap between the present and the past is a ruptured memory; where my investigations as a Graphic Designer always lead me back to the mysteries of the museum space.

I’ve been to Jerusalem several times. But during my last trip in June, I had a specific location I wanted to visit. It is the only graveyard in Israel dedicated to the Jews who perished in the Holocaust. Their ashes were brought from the concentration camps and laid to rest just a few steps from King David’s tomb in the Old City.

 

The Chamber of the Holocaust was founded on Mount Zion in 1949 by the Director General -Ministry of Religion; Rabbi Dr. Samuel Zanvil Kahana of blessed memory and has been cared for and maintained by the Diaspora Yeshiva until this very day.

“At the Holocaust Memorial site on Mount Zion” said Rabbi Pinchas from Karlitz, “we mourn and grieve, bow and sit in ashes, and at the same time we are resurrected, and lift our heads.”

I decided to enter the anthropologic field and go to the museum and interview the tour guide. I was very interested in how this museum functions. Who is the servant to the public in regard to Holocaust memory? What kind of story are they telling? How is it being constructed, and how could it be different?

Entering the Chamber of the Holocaust on Mount Zion, one immediately senses an identity with the recent past of the Jewish people, a history at once awesome and tragic. Memorial Tablets of over 2,000 communities, now bereft of Jews, look down beseechingly upon their visitors. They cry out to be remembered, asking each visitor’s involvement, calling for them to connect to a Jewish past. They urge their audience to open their hearts to memory, to explore the Jewish roots of ancestral community. Zygmunt Bauman, author of “Hereditary Victimhood: The Holocaust’s Life as a Ghost” elaborates further:

“We are all to some degree by that memory, though the Jews among us, the primary targets of the Holocaust, are perhaps more than most. For Jews especially, living in a world contaminated with the possibility of a holocaust rebounds time and again in a world filled with horror.”

I was greeted by a man by the name of Aharon Seiden who reminded me of a Salvation Army bell ringer who greets you as you enter highly-trafficked areas during the holidays seeking donations. He spoke like an auctioneer. His speech was so fast, it was hard to keep pace and dissolve all that he was communicating. He was a second-generation survivor, with his father being an inmate at Treblinka. Mr. Seiden was thrilled to accompany me for the next 2 hours throughout the museum. As we began the tour, I was captivated to see what kind of story was being told.

Blood-Stained Torah Scroll from Tunisian Jews

The Chamber is a call back from death, dust, ashes—and a pledge to the future. The museum’s exhibits demonstrate the self-sacrifice and dedication of the Jews to keep their religious traditions under the most dire of circumstances during the Holocaust era. The first artifact Mr. Seiden introduced me to was the Torah Scroll which belonged to the Tunisian Jews. As I peered down at it through the glass vault, it was supposed to represent a coffin. This scroll from Gerbia, North Africa is stained with blood of its martyrs. There was a marble plaque which had been drilled off to the side, on the top—which noted this information in the Hebrew language.

Walking through the exhibition, we entered the outdoor veranda which housed more memorial tablets, along with the Children’s Memorial—in memory of the 1,200,000 children murdered by the Nazis. A long alleyway led to an ancient, locked door. As we entered, I noticed original artwork and prints stacked up on the floor and scattered across tables. Mr. Seiden told me that all of the paintings had been taken down in the exhibition during the current renovation–except one. I asked him if I could take pictures. He allowed me to do so, and I began to photograph some of the most prominent, and captivating pieces:

Original Jewish Painting in Storage, Chamber of the Holocaust Museum

As each visitor walks among the memorial tablets, and read’s each story, they say a prayer of Kaddish and above all, find their connection to the living body of the Jewish people today. Major items of interest in the Chamber of the Holocaust cannot be found at Yad Vashem or the Ghetto Fighter’s House Museum:

Jacket sewn from  Torah parchment, which a Nazi officer had made in order to infuriate the Jews and mock their religion.

Containers that the Ashes of those who perished in the camps were stored in, and delivered to the Chamber of the Holocaust prior to burial.

Courtyard of Annihilation–Each plaque which lines this courtyard wall commemorates the destruction of a Jewish community.

We currently live in a society where those of us who are sixty years or younger will out-live the last Holocaust survivor. As time continues to evolve, who will best interpret their story and the everlasting truth of the Holocaust? Will it be the distorted lens of the Children’s Museum at the Ghetto Fighter’s House? Perhaps the stationary views of Yad Vashem where their focus seems to be primarily on the Jewish men who perished– giving little memory to the women, or others such as Jehovah Witnesses, Gays, Lesbians, and the Roma? Who is the best venue for Holocaust Education and to insure that our world never repeats this horror again?

The Martef HaShoah (Chamber of the Holocaust Museum) is situated in one of the most historically vibrant areas of Israel; Mount Zion, where King David is buried and believed to have built his palace there. It was the vision of the museums founders that the ashes and memories of the survivors lay at the foot of the tomb of King David, symbolizing the darkness of the Holocaust as paving the way and leading towards the glorious bright light of the final redemption of Moshiach who is said to come from King David.

For me personally, Holocaust Education begins with a visit to the Chamber of the Holocaust Museum.

“This is none other than the House of the L-rd–How full of awe is this place.”

–Genesis Chapter 28, Verse 17

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She is on sabbatical for the 2016-17 year. During this time she is studying at the University of Haifa in Israel for a Master’s in Holocaust Education. [ At SCC she teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus ]. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle. Purchase ASH FROM THE ROSE

Holocaust Nightmares: 30 Years of ASHES

Phase 1: Creating with the Star of David

 

This year has been a profound one for me: It marks 30 years that I have had my Holocaust nightmares. Have you ever witnessed genocide through the eyes of a child? If we all had witnessed the horrors of war as children; would there be any wars to left to fight on this planet today? I was not born Jewish. I was born into a Christian family, and began having nightmares about the Holocaust at age 13. If you witness genocide, rape, or the horrors of war as an adult–we have a recovery point or, a safe place to return BACK to in our minds. There WAS beauty before we witnessed the tragedy. This is the difference between recovery points in children vs. adults. Sometimes, recovery points do not exist for children…as their first real memory?…Was of the tragedy happening. How does one find a recovery point if it simply does not exist?

The majority of my Holocaust nightmares cast me as a young teenager–roughly 13 or 14 years old. I spend most of my time inside concentration camps–either in the gas chamber, on my way to it, getting tossed into the crematoria, or on the operating table in the process of some medical experiment. I have fragments of a family–but they are no longer with me. And, while some people might experiment a nightmare or 2 about the Holocaust within their lifetime; I have been having them for the majority of my life. They do not come quietly in the night. Rather, at a rapid pace of 4 or 5 different ones all in one night. I would compare it to 4 or 5 different movies. When one ends, another begins. For those of you who do have nightmares–have you ever noticed that when your nightmare begins: You are simply tossed directly into the middle of a scene? The story line does not begin with you…you simply become a part of it.

Phase 2: Variations on the Star of David/ Tolerance Postcard

I always know when Hitler is coming for me. I can hear him. He isn’t screaming. I can hear the “clicks” on the buckles of his shoes. I have never taken the time to personally research what kind of shoes he wore, as I think it would be detrimental to my own well-being. However, in all of my nightmares–I can hear the clicks on the buckles of his shoes prior to seeing him. I KNOW he is coming for me. How many times would you allow the demons to come for you: In the middle of the night & steal you away? Would you chose to do nothing? How many times would you watch Nazis rape children in the concentration camps? Would you witness and remain silent?

Phase 2B: Variations on the Holocaust Postcard/ Stars of David

 

I cannot tell you why my Holocaust Nightmares began. I was not hanging out with the Holocaust: reading about it, watching movies, or attending plays. They just simply started at age 13, in the month of April. I tried for many years to ignore them. They never went away. Even more horrifying, is that when I would create–I would create a historical section about it–not even knowing that I was doing it. Someone else would bring it to my attention. How is it possible that I am the author of these fragments that keep coming through? A colleague of mine suggested a few years ago that I read Chaim Potok’s “My Name is Asher Lev.” After I finished it, I began talking about St. Paul, and this relationship with France: A connection somehow to the concentration camps. It was somewhat confusing to me, but that was what kept coming through in my mind. My colleague kept telling me that I must read the 2nd book in the Asher Lev series; THE GIFT. A few months went by, and finally…I sat down to read it. For those of you who haven’t…It begins with St. Paul, France. ASHER marries a girl who survived the Holocaust by being locked up in an apartment as a child with her cousin. I was stunned.

“Sleep My Precious Child” [poem written by a Rabbi for me]

 When you witness genocide over and over again there are certain elements that begin to detach. You become numb to your surroundings. When you are deported [once again back to reality] or, “the normal world”–nothing appears as it once was… Just a few months ago I was standing in the gas chamber watching the beauty of life wither about me…Watching all of those souls grasp for the last breath of love: I was holding on to a child smaller than me: Rocking them back and forth and singing carols…Hoping that their last impression of humanity was one of Hope…not hate.

Infomercial cell: Holocaust Education Each Soul Matters

 

A few hours later it’s the year 2014, and I am watching two ladies fight over incorrect coupon advertising at the local grocery store. Is that how they wish to be remembered by all humanity? If you witnessed children being raped for 30 years in your nightmares by the Third Reich, and you stood in line waiting to be gassed for 30 years in your nightmares at the concentration camps; having conversations with those around you: Would you choose to do nothing? How many times would you let the demons assume you are dead and carry you off to the operating table– and burn your eyes out with tongs…just for fun?

 

Infomercial cell: Holocaust Education Each Soul Matters

I was born in the year 1971. I can make no claim that I was alive during World War II, or that I have any direct relatives who perished at the camps. What I can state, is that for the majority of my life I have had nightmares about the Holocaust. They began in April–the month that Hitler was born. The impact that the nightmares have had on my life has led me on a personal quest of human destiny. And, while I was not alive during World War II, I have witnessed the genocide of it for the past 30 years in my sleep.

–All of those who perished and went up in flames?

–All of those who died and had no one to remember them and all of the beauty that they stood for?

I do believe, that there are FRAGMENTS of their ASHES that have come back.

And, I do believe, somehow…someway that I am a witness to it:

I have a few things to say about that.

 

Holocaust Nightmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE [my memoir]

 

The Holocaust? It happened.

The Third Reich kept very accurate records:

the Jews did not.

They had no time.

 

 

My work as a Holocaust Educator began with my creativity as a Graphic Designer. For the past 10 years of my life I have been having faculty art exhibitions surrounding my Holocaust Nightmares. The designs that you have viewed in this post–are the variations/ transitions the STAR OF DAVID has taken throughout my palette within the past decade [from doodles, to postcards, film/ infomercials and posters].

Holocaust Nightmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE website

 

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

All proceeds or profits raised from posters, prints, photographs & original artwork from her HOLOCAUST EXHIBITIONS are donated to the Institute for Holocaust Education (Omaha, Nebraska). visit their website

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Holocaust Nightmares: Branding As An Identity

The THIRD REICH kept very accurate Records:

The Holocaust Happened…

I am currently in process of creating a new series of Holocaust Education posters. My previous series used archival photographs from that era in history. Some were very graphic in nature, and heavily emphasized my influence of John Heartfield. He was a pioneer in the use of art as a political weapon. He was a producer of stage sets and book jackets, however–Heartfield’s main era of creative expression was photo montage. He did not have the available tools of Photoshop and digital technology. Still yet today–he captivates with what he could create with scissors, paste and a little imagination.

“With His Empty Phrases He Wants to Gas the World”

above: John Heartfield, “With His Empty Phrases He Wants to Gas the World”, date unknown

“The Production of Death” 2005 Graphic Print Poster Series

My Graphic Print poster series which began my Holocaust Nightmares exhibition showcased a style similar to Heartfield. He was not afraid to shock his audience with words and imagery. In fact, it was his main focus when mastering poster layout strategies. My most favorite poster that he created was “Adolf the Superman: Swallows Gold & Spouts Junk.” Anyone who is not familiar with his work–would certainly say that the 3 pieces of imagery used: Hitler, gold coins, and the x-ray of the human body were manipulated with transparencies via Photoshop…and not created back in the ’30’s by a man who used very simple techniques such as scissors and camera.

Adolf, the Superman: Swallows Gold and Spouts Junk [before August 1932, printed before 1942]

Proper amount of contrast has been applied–to allow the viewer to see the Swastika

 

While there are many saved versions of “Adolf, the Superman”–some are manipulated with the contrast entirely too high, thus losing the overlay of the Nazi swastika. Which brings me to the most current topic that I am working with in Design–as a Holocaust Educator: BRANDING as An Identity. And here, is where I want to clarify by what I mean by branding: Logos, Symbols– an object that represents, stands for, or suggests an idea, visual image, belief, action, or material entity. Was there ever a time in our world history, where branding as an identity was so heavily introduced into main-stream society as the era of World War II?

I am a firm believer that each child in this world should be required to take Holocaust Education in school. When I attended the University of Iowa as a graduate student, the Rabbis spoke very strongly about this–and up until recently, it had been a requirement for every University of Iowa student. Growing up in the Midwest as a child–I had many years of geography and world history. But not a single, solitary class that focused on the Holocaust, and how to educate our children of tomorrow so it will not happen again. As I introduce my Branding as an Identity poster series–I am designing for the children of tomorrow. My focus is to see my posters from this series hanging in the hallways of junior high & and high schools. This is also why I am stepping away from intense graphics and photo-imagery from World War II. I don’t want my statements to be so shocking…that people simply turn away and refuse to read. Also, that type of graphic statement will also not be readily accepted by school administrations. Where does one start?

I am starting this series by making statements of truth about the Third Reich (not the Jews). The Third Reich kept very accurate “records” about what they were doing. Those in the world who have anti-Semitic views? The don’t have to believe the Jews. Besides, the Jews did not keep accurate records: they had no time! All one has to do is research the Third Reich & see that they were very detail-oriented and documented exactly what they were up to in regard to their “studies”. As I think about returning to my younger years–and walking down the hallways of my high school with advertising posters on the hallway walls…I have to ask myself: WHAT would I take the time to stop and read?

Do cool tones versus warm tones create a completely different mood? I am keeping the same type (statement), but am going to change imagery/ logos/ symbols. Will the statement remain the same? Will it feel the same?

I began laying out in a 4 x 6 universal postcard size, and creating with the Star of David as a symbol. This also prompted me to begin searching the history of this hexagram; and how long it had been in use through Jewish custom and beliefs. What I discovered was that it could possibly be as old as the 11th century; appearing in  decoration of the carpet page of the famous Tanakh manuscript, and also a visual identity in the Leningrad Codex dated 1008. I also ran across a Siddur dated 1512 from Prague. It displays a large hexagram on the cover with the phrase, “He will merit to bestow a bountiful gift on anyone who grasps the Shield of David.”

The Star of David in the oldest surviving complete copy of the Masoretic text, the Leningrad Codex, dated 1008.

Now that I had researched the history of the Star of David–what deep meaning and relationship does it have with Judaism? I chose to ask the Chabad Rabbis if they would be so kind as to send me a link, which they did:

“What Is the Mystical Significance of the Star of David?”

The article went on to explain:

The Zohar (3:73a) states, “There are three knots connecting [three entities] one to another: the Holy One, blessed be He; Torah; and Israel.” The Jewish soul connects to its Creator through the study and observance of Torah. The triangle represents the connection between these three entities. These three entities are each comprised of a pnimiyut (inner dimension) and a chitzoniyut (external dimension). The Torah is comprised of both exoteric teachings (the Talmud, Jewish law, etc.) as well as esoteric teachings (the Kabbalah). G‑d’s “revealed” energy permeates and provides existence to all worlds, but His essence is completely hidden, transcending all of creation. Similarly, the soul (which is a reflection of G‑d) has a revealed element, that level that expresses itself within and vivifies the body, as well as an essence that transcends the body.”

Next, I kept the same 4 x 6 postcard template, kept the same statement/ font–but now I switched logos and created the political statement using the Third Reich swastika:

 

My research found that the word ‘swastika’ is a Sanskrit word (‘svasktika’) meaning ‘It is’, ‘Well Being’, ‘Good Existence, and ‘Good Luck’. However, it is also known by different names in different countries – like ‘Wan’ in China, ‘Manji’ in Japan, ‘Fylfot’ in England, ‘Hakenkreuz’ in Germany and ‘Tetraskelion’ or ‘Tetragammadion’ in Greece. How long has it been around as a symbol, and why did the Third Reich and Hitler choose it?

The earliest swastika ever found is located in Mezine, Ukraine, carved on an ivory figurine, which dates an incredible 12,000 years ago. One of the earliest cultures known to have used the Swastika was a Neolithic culture in Southern Europe. On the walls of the Christian catacombs in Rome, the symbol of the Swastika appears next to the words “ZOTIKO ZOTIKO” which means “Life of Life”.

Hitler wanted a symbol like no other. He wanted something distinct that would stand out when it was carried into battle.The swastika had already been adopted by some extreme German nationalist groups c. 1910 in the belief that it was an “Aryan” symbol. The Nazi party formally adopted the swastika – what they called the Hakenkreuz, ‘the hooked cross’ in 1920. This was used on the party’s flag, badge, and armband. In Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler wrote: ‘I myself, meanwhile, after innumerable attempts, had laid down a final form; a flag with a red background, a white disk, and a black swastika in the middle. After long trials I also found a definite proportion between the size of the flag and the size of the white disk, as well as the shape and thickness of the swastika.’

   

 

 

What does the Star of David represent in the Jewish faith?

“There are three knots connecting [three entities] one to another: the Holy One, blessed be He; Torah; and Israel.” The Jewish soul connects to its Creator through the study and observance of Torah. The triangle represents the connection between these three entities.

Why did Hitler select the swastika symbol?

He wanted something distinct that would stand out when it was carried into battle.

My reactions to both postcard layouts, when side by side–are completely different versus when they are viewed separately, or is individual art forms. However, each symbol was selected for a different purpose. One represents unity, the other–battles of war.

I continued to expand on the postcard theme, and created hybrids of each as a poster design:

I am still in creative process on my Star of David poster, but leaving the 4 x 6 postcard layout behind–I feel that the work has room to breathe. I felt very confined at the 4 x 6 size. However, does the relationship feel the same when I switch to the swastika symbol, and create with the same, political statement? How do cool tones versus warm tones react: When they have the same, political statement as typography?

 Branding as an Identity is clearly seen through all walks of life as we enter the Holocaust years and the construction of World War II. When I look at Holocaust Education–and how we develop it to further educate our next generation–what is the importance of BRANDING as an Identity? Which poster is more powerful: The Star of David or the Third Reich? What is the importance of not only knowing the representation of the symbol–but also the history? Holocaust Education does not begin at the end of World War II. It is an education that guides our soul toward a peaceful future.

visit HOLOCAUST NIGHTMARES Exhibition & Memoir official website

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

All proceeds or profits raised from posters, prints, photographs & original artwork from her HOLOCAUST EXHIBITIONS are donated to the Institute for Holocaust Education (Omaha, Nebraska). visit their website

 

Holocaust Nightmares: The Power of Prayer

Holocaust Nightmares 2009 Exhibition Poster Museum of Religious Arts, Logan Iowa

 

In the fall of 2012, someone had commented on one of my blogs about my Holocaust Nightmares. This was prior to writing my memoir & creating a writer’s blog on WordPress. In their discussion they had asked if I had contacted the Rabbis at Chabad via the ASK THE RABBI Link & asked if they could help me. I was not familiar with the ASK THE RABBI link and was willing to try this route.

A couple of weeks later, a Rabbi from the ASK THE RABBI link responded. Not only was he a Rabbi; he was also a licensed therapist. We spoke for a couple of months and he was wonderful in his approach. However, at that time—I was not ready to get honest with myself & I simply stopped corresponding with him. I spent another year and a half in therapy working with a therapist locally. The anxiety did not get better. Ultimately it got worse, and the nightmares began to take over at a rapid pace of 4-5 different ones each evening. By March of 2014 one of my colleagues made the statement to me that I had no sense of community, and that perhaps—I should ask the Rabbis at Chabad if they could find the Rabbi who I had corresponded with prior—and ask if he would be willing to come back and work with me again.

I had reached the point where I was frightened that my nightmares would either give me a heart attack in my sleep; or that I might start sleep walking and cause myself bodily harm. Was G-d causing me to witness these events over and over again? Or, was it something demonic? I felt powerless to something that I did not know how to control.

My Rabbi recommended that I start reading the Tanya. It was first published in 1797, and is an early work which was written by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi [founder of Chabad Hasidism]. While it is an inspirational book on advice in the practical service of G-d; it was the first work that I had ever encountered which talks about the different parts of the soul. For me, I have felt that my relationship with G-d has become closer, and that my spirituality has evolved because of the Tanya. The book also addresses the different levels of divine service such as the tzaddik (righteous person), incomplete tzaddik, the beinoni (intermediate one), incomplete rasha, and total rasha. The book has helped me have a better understanding of the divine soul and the animal soul; how good and evil can be viewed as a struggle between the two.

My Rabbi’s approach to therapy was working. I was astounded that my anxiety level was not at the same level that it had been—prior to my engaging in therapy sessions with him. He was different than all of the other therapists that I had been with: His therapy was not just based on getting better: but how to do so by enhancing my spiritual connection with G-d.

He introduced me to the Shema Prayer this past fall. He said I should prepare my soul for sleep & read the Shema directly before going to bed.I told him that I was backwards, or in reverse because most people wanting therapy need assistance during the day. My problems flare up at night, when I am asleep.
At the time that my Rabbi introduced me to the Shema prayer—fall had just begun. Fall and the return of Spring are the periods when my nightmares tend to flare up and go on a continuous rampage. The SHEMA is the central prayer in the Jewish prayer book, and is often the first section in Scripture that a Jewish child will learn. Many Jews will recite the Shema prayer twice a day—once in the morning and in the evening.

I have often thought that when people invite a priest into their house to bless it—due to “bad or unwanted, negative energy” in the house—that this act is only temporary. If the people living in the house simply do not believe in G-d, then is this the reason why the negative energy returns again? Does the priest simply act as a “temporary bug spray” who chases the demons away?

I have been reading the Shema prayer each night, before bed since the Fall of 2014. I believe that if anyone can help me with my Holocaust Nightmares—that this assistance comes through G-d. The Rabbis at Chabad took time out of their busy schedules to listen to me. They honestly cared and wanted to help me. Without them, I would not be able to write to you today—and tell you that since I began reading the Shema prayer I have not had one Holocaust nightmare.

I also believe that in my quest to find the correct therapist to assist me—it was not just about seeking a therapist: but a better, spiritual relationship with G-d. THIS is what had been missing with all of my previous therapists: My Relationship with Hashem & having a spiritual guide(s) to assist me. I am forever grateful that the Rabbis at Chabad were able to reconnect me with my Rabbi again. Hashem is good:

The power of prayer works.

THE SHEMA PRAYER:

Cover you eyes with your right hand and say:

Hear, O Israel, the L-rd is our G-d, the L-rd is One.

Recite the following verse in an undertone:

Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom forever and ever.

You shall love the L-rd your G-d with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be upon your heart. You shall teach them thoroughly to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be for a reminder between your eyes. And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.

And it will be, if you will diligently obey My commandments which I enjoin upon you this day, to love the L-rd your G-d and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, I will give rain for your land at the proper time, the early rain and the late rain, and you will gather in your grain, your wine and your oil. And I will give grass in your fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be sated. Take care lest your heart be lured away, and you turn astray and worship alien gods and bow down to them. For then the L-rd’s wrath will flare up against you, and He will close the heavens so that there will be no rain and the earth will not yield its produce, and you will swiftly perish from the good land which the L-rd gives you. Therefore, place these words of Mine upon your heart and upon your soul, and bind them for a sign on your hand, and they shall be for a reminder between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, to speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you rise. And you shall inscribe them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates – so that your days and the days of your children may be prolonged on the land which the L-rd swore to your fathers to give to them for as long as the heavens are above the earth.

The L-rd spoke to Moses, saying: Speak to the children of Israel and tell them to make for themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout their generations, and to attach a thread of blue on the fringe of each corner. They shall be to you as tzizit, and you shall look upon them and remember all the commandments of the L-rd and fulfill them, and you will not follow after your heart and after your eyes by which you go astray – so that you may remember and fulfill all My commandments and be holy to your G-d. I am the L-rd your G-d who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your G-d; I, the L-rd, am your G-d. True.

 *Translation of the SHEMA Prayer from CHABAD online.

 

Purchase “Holocaust Nightmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE” for Amazon Kindle

 

visit HOLOCAUST NIGHTMARES Exhibition & Memoir official website

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

All proceeds or profits raised from posters, prints, photographs & original artwork from her HOLOCAUST EXHIBITIONS are donated to the Institute for Holocaust Education (Omaha, Nebraska). visit their website

“Holocaust Nightmares: Chapter 6” [part 2]

chapter 6:

postcards from paradise [cont’d]

June, 1940 (France)

“Holocaust Education: Each Soul Matters” [cell from infomercial]

He knows that I am Jewish.

He reaches into his pocket and places a strip of postage stamps inside my hand. I can feel his fingertips close around mine; as they double-check to be sure I’ve grasped the stamps. Just as quickly as he discovered me, he turns and blurs into the wind.

When I return back to David’s apartment the exhaustion hits me. I am so sad that he is no longer here. As I fall asleep I think about the priest with the bright red sash.

Will he write back?
Will he remember that I was a child who wanted nothing more than to be loved and not tortured? And so, when I wake I write:

dear Father,

I have nightmares about the Holocaust.

Can you help me? I want to look into your eyes and weep.

Are you the one who knows nothing,

but also everything:

“Without religious distinction”?

Is there a reality about a keepsake

‘of written form?’

 

“Is There a Rabbi in the House?” mixed media [2010]

 

You can take my postcards out and look at them.

When you read, will you remember me

and all of the things

that you might have otherwise forgotten?

 

“Holocaust Education: Each Soul Matters” [cell from infomercial]

 

When I witness Hitler screaming in my nightmares;

and I stand in line waiting to be gassed at the death camps–

I must ask myself:

What is the moral to this story?

In my eyes Hitler chose his own personal evil

of Self Interest. This was his largest downfall:

He chose Ambition over Love…

 

Purchase “Holocaust Nightmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE” for Amazon Kindle

 

visit HOLOCAUST NIGHTMARES Exhibition & Memoir official website

[ click on the PARIS page of the website to read more about this chapter ]

————————————————————–

Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

All proceeds or profits raised from posters, prints, photographs & original artwork from her HOLOCAUST EXHIBITIONS are donated to the Institute for Holocaust Education (Omaha, Nebraska). visit their website

 

Holocaust Nightmares: Chapter 6 [part 1 of 2]

Holocaust Nightmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE

chapter 6:
postcards from paradise
June, 1940 (France)

 

“Only the Jews” [Holocaust Nightmares/ Graphic Print Series]

 

I’m standing with my friend, David, by the Champs Elysees. We’re watching the ceremonial parade of German troops march through the Arc De Triomphe. Swastika flags bleed throughout the skyline, with crowds of French citizens wailing in the streets.

He went willingly to the deportation train. I don’t know why. David was older than me. At that time, my parents were working with the underground to get our entire family smuggled out of France. The flat in which David and his parents occupied was empty. His parents had gone to work one morning and they never came back.

 

Panoramic View from the roof of the Arc De Triomphe, PARIS photograph by Pam L. Fiedler

 

David left in April of 1942.

I walked with him down to the train station in the afternoon.

I had spent the morning arguing with him; pleading with him not to leave. He had brainwashed himself into believing that somehow that train would take him to a place of comfort and freedom. When I left him at the station, and began walking back to his flat: Everything appeared foreign. People passed me in the street. Some attempted to strike a conversation with me; but I was no longer fluent in the French language.

David’s flat was on the top floor. Each stair that I climbed filled me with despair. I knew he wasn’t coming back. I sat at his kitchen table and wailed. It was the last time I saw a calendar prior to being rounded up with my family and sent off to the ghetto. It was April that day, and the year was clearly marked as 1942.

How much time has passed?

I keep searching for David throughout the streets of Paris.

detail: ARC DE TRIOMPHE (outer exterior) PARIS photograph by Pam L. Fiedler

 

There is a Catholic church that I pass every day. Is there sanctuary to be found inside it? Auschwitz is a word that has been whispered everywhere throughout the Jewish community. Is this the place where David went? There are mumblings about another location as well; some place called Drancy. Perhaps if I keep walking the streets, David will see me and come out from wherever he is hiding. Am I the one who has brainwashed myself into believing that he isn’t dead?

A priest stops me in the street.

I can see that there is compassion in his eyes and not hatred. I begin to tell him about my friend, David—and how I keep searching for his face. In return, the priest scribbles down his address on the back of an old postcard. He wants me to write him whenever I am blue. He says that perhaps it will help: Like a diary of sorts. He knows that I am Jewish. He reaches into his pocket and places a strip of postage stamps inside my hand. I can feel his fingertips close around mine; as they double-check to be sure I’ve grasped the stamps. Just as quickly as he discovered me, he turns and blurs into the wind.

When I return back to David’s apartment the exhaustion hits me. I am so sad that he is no longer here. As I fall asleep I think about the priest with the bright red sash.

Will he write back?

Will he remember that I was a child who wanted nothing more than to be loved and not tortured? [ part 1 of 2 ]

“Holocaust Nightmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE” book cover

 

visit HOLOCAUST NIGHTMARES Exhibition & Memoir official website

[ click on the PARIS page of the website to read more about this chapter ]

————————————————————–

Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

All proceeds or profits raised from posters, prints, photographs & original artwork from her HOLOCAUST EXHIBITIONS are donated to the Institute for Holocaust Education (Omaha, Nebraska). visit their website

 

Holocaust Nightmares: Rabbi or Therapist?

“Hitler # 4” [ Graphic Print Series] 2010

 

Grief is not a good teacher; it’s an excellent one. By 2010 my Holocaust Nightmares had increased at such a rampant pace– that it was a struggle to keep my composure in the classroom. I would look up and see the students in their seats flicker back and forth: from student to concentration camp victim. Next, the anxiety hits like a hot flash without warning…Tears begin to fall…and I excuse myself from the room. I find myself at the end of the day facing my bedroom closet– wailing for the dead: For all of those who perished and had no one to mourn for them.

Many of my friends who fought in the Vietnam war have died within the last decade. All came back with post-traumatic syndromes from the war. None took the time to invest, seek, & find a therapist with which they could speak to, in regard to their wartime experiences. When one witnesses genocide or mass violence: Is the individual able to return to a world of normalcy?

With Yom Kipper just around the corner, it marks a new year. It is one about Return. I have witnessed the genocide of the Holocaust for the past 30 years in my nightmares. As I watch the crimes of humanity, many of which–were performed upon young children–I must ask: Are humans more animalistic than the beasts themselves? My struggle has been with the human condition. What defines a demon? I have spent my life searching for a therapist or holy person who could help me. When my fiancé died in 1997, I came to realize that it was the war that had killed him. He use to lay in my arms at night & cry about what he witnessed while he fought in Vietnam. I was a comfort, but I was not the therapist that he needed. Like most men who came back from Vietnam– he never searched for a therapist to talk to. He over-compensated in other areas. He was a workaholic. He smoked too many cigarettes…He was stressed from The Stress of Vietnam. This is what prompted me to return back to the Jewish faith when seeking a therapist. I had been to several throughout my lifetime–hoping someone could help me with my Holocaust Nightmares. For me, personally–not only did I need a therapist, but I also needed a Rabbi. Going to therapy sessions conducted by professionals who had no personal belief system simply did not work for me.

In my opinion, Holocaust Education is Genocide Education. The learning process never stops. I am a firm believer that if my fiancé had attended therapy sessions–due to the post-traumatic effects of the Vietnam War: that he would be alive today…

 

Viduy Confession Prayer:

I acknowledge before You, Lord my G-d and the G-d of my fathers, that my recovery and my death are in Your hands. May it be Your will that You heal me with total recovery, but, if I die, may my death be an atonement for all the errors, iniquities, and willful sins that I have erred, sinned and transgressed before You, and may You grant my share in the Garden of Eden, and grant me the merit to abide in the World to Come which is vouchsafed for the righteous.

Our G-d and G-d of our fathers, may our prayers come before You, and do not turn away from our supplication, for we are not so impudent and obdurate as to declare before You, Lord our G-d and G-d of our fathers, that we are righteous and have not sinned. Indeed, we and our fathers have sinned.

We have transgressed, we have acted perfidiously, we have robbed, we have slandered. We have acted perversely and wickedly, we have willfully sinned, we have done violence, we have imputed falsely. We have given evil counsel, we have lied, we have scoffed, we have rebelled, we have provoked, we have been disobedient, we have committed iniquity, we have wantonly transgressed, we have oppressed, we have been obstinate. We have committed evil, we have acted perniciously, we have acted abominably, we have gone astray, we have led others astray. We have strayed from Your good precepts and ordinances, and it has not profited us. Indeed, You are just in all that has come upon us, for You have acted truthfully, and it is we who have acted wickedly.

—————————————

Pamela L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

*Purchase “Holocaust Nigthmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holocaust Nightmares: Each Soul Matters

 

After reading Chaim Potok’s literary novels “My Name is Asher Lev” and “The Gift of Asher Lev,” I was inspired to think: How I can make a larger difference in regard to Holocaust Education? If you have been following my blog, you are aware that I have had nightmares about the Holocaust since the age of 13.

This past winter, part of my research as a Professor of Design + Social Media focused on mastering and creating new templates for KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) for academic authors. I decided it was time to sit down and write my literary novel–“Holocaust Nightmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE“ and publish it as an Ebook available at Amazon Kindle. So much has changed this past decade with the digital revolution. How will we ride this techno curve and preserve the Holocaust within it?

My exploration began with my own gallery exhibition of work on the Holocaust, along with research of new, digital FILM apps. Gone are the days of the technical film editors who splice the film, edit, rewind, add audio/ voice, and all of the special effects. All of these tools are now readily available within the Adobe Creative Cloud, combined with digital FILM apps. The exploration in this field is limitless.

My goal was to create a non-profit infomercial about Holocaust Education with an estimated run time of 1 minute and 30 seconds. Which pieces of my work would I select, and what was my intended message?

 

“Adolf the Superman Swallows Gold & Spits Junk”

(1932) by John Heartfield

I selected my series of Graphic Prints which I had originally created during graduate school. I have always been highly influenced by propaganda artists from the World War II era. However, John Heartfield is by far my favorite. His work as a Photo-Montage artist of Anti-Nazi propaganda art broke revolutionary boundaries. He was creating without Photoshop. He risked his life for all that he believed in, and fled the Third Reich many times.

 

“The Production of Death”

(graphic poster, 2005) Pamela L. Fiedler

As I began working with my own political posters for the Holocaust Education commercial, I became critically aware that there is a point where being “too graphic” can also turn away the audience. What can I say about Holocaust Education that has not been said before? As we ride the digital revolution, I feel it is very important that people come forward with their talent and skills and apply this knowledge toward Holocaust Education. If we do not, who will?

If we fail to educate the children of tomorrow on the history of the Holocaust, will it come back to haunt us in another lifetime?

I look forward to hearing your commentary and remarks.

——————————

 Pamela L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Social Media at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

*Purchase “Holocaust Nigthmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE”

*Visit the exhibition & memoir website

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ashes of Roses: the Trinity

If you finished both books by Chaim Potok in the Asher Lev series, by the end of  THE GIFT, Asher decides that he needs to be alone. Since there was never a third book written to complete the Trilogy, I highly recommend The Thorn Birds  by Collen McCullough.

Asher fell in love with a woman who had survived the Holocaust. Her immediate family did not. She was locked up in an apartment for two years with her cousin. As children, they witnessed this genocide. Her pain and trauma are very deep. Asher understands her pain. In the Thorn Birds the relationship of Father Ralph with Meggie is quite similar, but explored in further detail. Father Ralph was in many ways, Meggie’s teacher, confidant, and mentor while she was growing up. But, by the time she reaches adulthood, he is not sure what she is.

“He watched her walk across the graves, 

step over the railing,; in the rosebud dress

her retreating form was graceful,

womanly and a little unreal.”

 

Ashes of Roses.

“How appropriate,” he said to the angel.

The theme Ashes of Roses circulates. At the same time, Meggie has always been falling for Father Ralph. Not one moment spent between this couple is lost, and without passion. This, was ultimately the sacrifice that each one gave, but had yet to be explored by the end of THE GIFT of the Asher Lev series.

        

Father Ralph and Asher both struggle with their relationship to God, community, and sacrifice. For Asher it is about the need or desire, to be alone to create. Will his relationships survive?

For Ralph his struggle as a Priest or Cardinal, versus being passionately in love with a woman. Will his vows survive? Cardinal Vittorio (Ralph’s best friend at the Vatican) tells him that perhaps this is the largest sacrifice of all. We will never know if Asher’s relationships last, after he made his decision to be alone. In the Thornbirds, Vittorio reminds Ralph that his vows to God, and his love for the rose are the combined sacrifice that he simply cannot see.

When Meggie and Ralph are together, they know they will have to part. Their time spent with each other is always passionate. He understands her pain. Not only does she end up losing brothers in the war, she also loses many family members due to the rough, Australian Outback. Her sacrifice is her understanding of who he is. His need to be alone with God. His need to be alone with her. She understands his pain.

In the ASHER LEV series this is not made clear by the end of the second book. The separation has just begun. The Thornbirds explores this relationship further. Because Ralph and Meggie know their time is precious: They are always most passionate between each other as lovers. They know of the separation to come…

“Each of us has something within us

which won’t be denied, even if it makes us

scream aloud to die. We are what we are.

Like the old Celtic Legend of the bird

with the thorn in its breast, singing its heart out

and dying. Because it has to., its self-knowledge

can’t affect or change the outcome, can it?

Everyone singing his own little song,

convinced it’s the most wonderful song

the world has ever heard. Don’t you see?

We create our own Thorns,

and never stop to count the cost.

All we can do is suffer the pain

and tell ourselves it was well worth it.”

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 Pamela L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Social Media at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle.

*Purchase “Holocaust Nigthmares: ASH FROM THE ROSE”

*Visit the exhibition & memoir website