“HolyCast” from my Postcards from Paradise series
The most popular question that is asked during my lectures and art exhibitions about my Holocaust Nightmares: “Why do you have them?”…renders the most complicated answer(s). I wasn’t alive during World War II. I was born 26 years after it ended. In this post, I am going to discuss that which has plagued me for over 30 years: WHY.
WHY Holocaust Nightmares? My answer comes in the form of 3 parts. Without each part, I do not believe I would have had any nightmares about the Shoah. And, some parts have more weight or value than others.
- Part 1: I have nightmares about the Holocaust because for whatever reason–G-d chose me to be a witness to this era in history. The nightmares began at age 13, during the month of April (the same month as Hitler’s birthday). In the majority of them I am 13-14 years old. And, while I have asked G-d many questions about humanity from what I have witnessed…there is 1 question that remains number 1: Children of all colors and race play together on the playground. At what age do we as a society–teach them that this is not proper? At what age do we stop playing together, and are brainwashed into believing it is proper to put on a military uniform and try to kill one another? Children do not think this way: Adults do.
“Hitler was an Architect First”
- Part 2: I have nightmares about the Holocaust because I am a “sensitive.” If I were not, I do not believe that I would have them at all. And, for me–this is the largest part of the equation. Why did G-d choose to make me a “sensitive?” To describe humans who are more in-tune to paranormal events a term was created – “highly sensitive person” or HSP. According to some experts, those that are HSP have a biological difference that allows their nervous system to process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly than the average person. Yes, it can also be hereditary. It is estimated that approximately 15-20% of humans have nervous systems that can be described as HSP. Don’t confuse “sensitives” with psychics. There is a definite difference. I do not have the ability to “move energy on.” Psychics can–and do. Not all energy that I sense is positive or negative…Nor is all of it from my Holocaust nightmares. Some of it is simply in transition, or leaving one place and getting ready to enter another. While other types of energy are of historical significance.
If you have ever watched the film “The Sixth Sense”–you will have a better understanding of this kind of energy & its movements. I see dead people in churches all of the time. However, some of them are not dead yet–they are just in transition. But, they appear to me as ghosts. One such example was a woman by the name of RoseMary. She sat at the glass table directly in front of the bathrooms at a church I was formerly employed at. Her clothing indicated that she was from this era in time. She was not happy or sad. She simply stared directly out the window and kept communicating to me over and over that her name was RoseMary. I finally worked up the courage to ask one of the employees (who had worked there for almost 15 years)–if she was aware of a woman by the name of RoseMary –who had been a member of the congregation but had passed? She said no. RoseMary was not dead yet. She was indeed a member of the church, and she was dying of kidney failure. So, in a certain sixth sense–what I was witnessing was RoseMary in transition from life into death.
I don’t go looking for energy. I don’t believe in disturbing it. What do I mean by this? I don’t go searching for haunted houses or places on purpose to engage in conversations with the energy that presides there. If it wants to find you–it will. In certain situations, I do not believe that the energy is positive or negative: It is of historical context. Our family farmstead resides on the Otoe Indian trade route from the 1700’s. We have yet to figure out in one of our bedrooms if the medicine man had his teepee in this location, or if Indians are simply buried below the ground–and in this location. Their energy resides inside this room. People who stay there overnight have been awakened to Indians chanting (myself included). Shadows of Indians protrude on the walls. Also, when I have Holocaust nightmares in this room, the ceiling fan (which has been broken mechanically for years) will be spinning rapidly when I wake. The moment that I place one foot outside of the room? The fan stops. The energy in this room is of historical context. It is not positive or negative. It simply resides there.
There is a difference between divine energy and paranormal energy. I view paranormal energy as energy that can and will be negative, demonic or part of the devil. This does not mean that all of it is, but it has the potential to be in that category. It could have been human at one time. I view divine energy as the complete opposite–perhaps it was human, perhaps it never was. But it is positive energy that is a part of G-d.
Have you ever had a divine or paranormal experience that meant much more to you after the encounter versus when you were involved in it? One afternoon when I was in undergrad school–my girl friends decided to get out the OUIJA board and play it. They were bored. I was caught up reading for a class, so I hung out on the bed while they navigated the board on the dorm room floor. After much egging on, they convinced me to come over and give it a try. I was ready to take a break from reading; so why not? As we placed our fingers on the planchette it started to move & create words out of letters:
“I do not want to play with Pamela. I cannot teach her anything.”
Whatever. My friends thought the OUIJA board was copping an attitude. I got up and walked away, telling them that I didn’t believe in cardboard demons to begin with. The episode did not mean much to me at the time. But, as the years have passed it continues to plague my mind. I have matured, and come to realize that perhaps it really WAS a demon. And, if it was–it was making a statement directly to me…about me….knowing something more about myself at the time that I had yet to recognize.
“JEWSus Wept” from my Postcards from Paradise series
Part 3. I have nightmares about the Holocaust because it happened: The Third Reich kept very accurate records. At the time my nightmares began, I was reading about the Civil War in history, and getting the Civil War magazine–I wasn’t hanging out with World War II, or watching Holocaust movies. Sometimes when I am creating my artwork about my Holocaust Nightmares–I am not aware of the historical accuracy at the time…Until I stumble upon it at a later date & read about it or someone tells me. In many of my nightmares about the SHOAH, I am in France. Sometimes, I am witnessing the Third Reich and Hitler marching down the street and coming through an arch. The swastika flags are blowing through the Paris skyline. Each time I witness this parade, I am with my friend, David. He is much older than me. During grad school (Graphic Design) at the University of Iowa–we were asked to create a series. I chose to create a political poster series about my Holocaust Nightmares.
My 3rd or 4th poster design in this series focuses on this Third Reich parade that I have just described. I selected an old vintage bike photograph from Paris, and began to super-impose Hitler’s face through the Arch. One of my colleagues from class decided to stop by and see how my creative process was coming along. When he witnessed my poster “Only the Jews” he asked me if I knew what I was doing & if I knew what I was creating. I explained to him what this nightmare was about, and why I was super-imposing Hitler’s face through the arch. He laughed, and said I was “doing it without even realizing I was doing it.” He went on to explain that the Arch was the Arc de Triomphe, and Hitler and his troops did indeed march through it when they invaded Paris…
“Only the Jews” from my political poster series
No therapist, holy person, or medical personnel has been able to get my Holocaust nightmares to stop…except one. I have been in therapy with my Rabbi now for almost a year and a half. Ever since he introduced me to the Shema prayer–the Holocaust nightmares have ceased. Shema Yisrael (or Sh’ma Yisrael; Hebrew שְׁמַע יִשְׂרָאֵל; “Hear, [O] Israel”) are the first two words of a section of the Torah, and is the title (sometimes shortened to simply Shema) of a prayer that serves as a centerpiece of the morning and evening Jewish prayer services. To help further my healing, I hope to one day stand in the HolyLand, and recite these inspirational words…
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Pam L. Fiedler is an Adjunct Professor of Design + Universal Communication at Southeast Community College in Nebraska. She teaches at both the Lincoln & Beatrice campus. She graduated in 2006 with her Master of Fine Arts in Graphic Design from the University of Iowa. “Holocaust Nightmares: Ash From the Rose” is her first novel, and is available for purchase through Amazon Kindle. Purchase ASH FROM THE ROSE
pamela l. fiedler 